“We were supposed to stand alone at the top, but we will always be there together. We will keep climbing until no one else can reach us, but it will always be together.”

Heated Rivalry, Rachel Reid

I am no better than every other raccoon in this dump.

I tried so hard to avoid the Heated Rivalry hype. It started months and months ago (maybe longer?) with seeing Rachel Reid’s Game Changers series all over bookstagram. But here’s a few things about me: (1) Not the biggest fan of the romance genre, (2) not a fan of rpf at all, (3) big fan of irl hockey. Most hockey romances I’ve glimpsed have given me the absolute ick, because I’m too entrenched in the real hockey world to suspend my disbelief. Plus something about Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov being “loosely” based on Sidney Crosby and Alex Ovechkin made me so uncomfortable (Fun fact: Ovi was the first professional athlete I ever interviewed … Sid was second.)

Then the show hit Crave/HBO Max. I saw so many GIF sets. It intrigued me enough to look for the book … which I couldn’t find anywhere. So I had to do something I never do: buy an ebook. I tore through Heated Rivalry in a couple days, ate up The Long Game quickly after, became absolutely feral for the TV adaptation and then read both books again … then rewatched the series a couple more times. 

It’s been a month since I read HR for the first time, (Yes, I’m still catching up on book reviews.) and Hollanov remains my Roman Empire. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about them. I know like four actors, and Hudson Williams and Connor Storrie are two of them. HudCon are literally taking me places I wouldn’t go with a gun — like Jimmy Fallon.

Okay, so review time. Buckle up buckaroos, this is going to be a long one.

It’s a really mixed bag for me. The books are … not great? It’s weird to say that about something that’s become my personality for weeks, but I’m being honest.

The writing is flat and unmotivated. It’s simplistic in the worst way. Reid spoon feeds the reader. It’s a lot of telling and not a lot of showing. It’s a trend with contemporary writing — one I am not a fan of at all. It makes the writing lackluster and soulless because there’s not much room for the reader to connect with the emotion when everything is laid out for them. 

It makes Reid feel insecure in her writing. She slips between third-person limited and omniscient throughout the books, using whichever view is easier to convey a thought. It’s as if she doesn’t believe the readers can connect the dots on their own. But it also drains a lot of the tension because the characters become too self aware. It makes the story feel bare and incomplete. Quite honestly, it’s lazy.

I also noticed Reid doesn’t give a lot of descriptors to her dialogue to suggest a specific tone. It was just a weird detail that kept throwing me off.

So why did I keep reading if the writing was that awful?

Shane and Ilya. 

They were just complex enough to keep me turning those digital pages. Shane’s hockey robot, Canadian golden boy persona was familiar, while Ilya’s daddy issues and playboy reputation was fandom crack. It created an interesting dynamic in a hostile environment I know well. 

Specifically in HR, I enjoyed the push and pull of their relationship. How every time they took one step forward, they stumbled a few feet back. How the setting of hockey actively worked against them even though it’s what brought them together to begin with and kept bringing them together. 

It works so well to create this very choppy but coherent story following the ebb and flow of their relationship. The quick, distant hookups that become more but neither of them can admit it and how it shapes into this passionate love they struggle to contain. It’s honestly lovely in a very heartbreaking way. To love and be loved but not being allowed to share it. 

I didn’t have a lot of gripes about HR’s storyline, but I had a lot when it came to TLG. My biggest issue was there not being a proper balance between Ilya and Shane’s stories. Ilya’s struggle with depression is gorgeous and devastating. How he wants help so badly, takes all the right steps and yet still feels lost. The fear he has to see his mother in himself. The shame of it all. 

I wish Shane was given the same spotlight. I thought Reid could’ve really dug into Shane more. There’s so much there. She accidentally gave him an eating disorder — which isn’t farfetched for a professional athlete. Google Nathan MacKinnon or Tom Brady. Their performance diets are just EDs in disguise, in my very uneducated opinion. 

While Shane does explain how the diet satiated his desire for discipline, I wanted Reid to delve into it a little more. How he can control so little in his life, and his diet is an outlet to have that control he desperately wants and needs. And going along with that lack of control, Reid could’ve expanded on Shane’s life/upbringing. What does it mean to be a prodigy? To be micromanaged from a child? To be a POC in a predominantly white sport? The stress, the anxiety, the weight of everything is in the text, it just needed to be fleshed out. 

Give that boy some depth! The same depth as Ilya! 

And that brings me to the show. 

For the first time probably ever, I prefer the visual adaptation to the book. The show really gave the story Reid wrote a body and soul. This is mostly kudos to Hudson and Connor, because those two men acted their asses off. Rent was due and they were WORKING. The physicality they brought to every scene and their microexpressions punched me in the gut repeatedly. I’m thinking of Ilya’s eyes darting back and forth when he visits Shane in the hospital and Shane closing his, head tilted back, as Ilya pours his heart out in Russian. Also my favorite little moment is when Ilya rests his chin on Shane’s knee and looks up at him with those beautiful blue eyes at the cottage. Literally swooning. These subtleties make such a difference in the story’s emotional potency.

Jacob Tierney, the show’s director, really deserves all the love for taking the bones of Heated Rivalry and creating something that is true to the books but also so much better. The score, the cinematography, the writing … it’s all so perfect. 

It was just so … lovely. It made me feel good, and not a lot of TV does that these days. I felt like I was kicking my feet and squealing the entire time.

I could honestly write a dissertation on the show, but instead I’m going to stop there. 

Here’s all my thoughts on both the books and the show:

• Emotional over how gentle Ilya is with Shane when they’re alone. How for all his rough edges and hard exterior, he becomes a safe space for Shane in these intimate moments. How his little jabs aren’t malicious but playful. Because he won’t shame Shane for his inexperience. How he’s aware how much trust there needs to be between them. How it melts away some of Shane’s panic, if only for a few moments. And also how it’s a safe space for Ilya, too. The way he can let his walls down. And fuck do they crumble so quickly around Shane. In this life where so much of him is scrutinized and critiqued and held to impossible standards, Ilya finds freedom with Shane. And there’s something neither of them quite understand or want to admit in those meetings but it’s exactly what keeps them both coming back.
• something about Shane apologizing after his concussion. How he’s the one hurt yet he says sorry; how his thoughts keep going back to how this is going to affect those who love him. He didn’t want to hear the worry in Ilya’s voice anymore. Tell him I’m fine. My parents. They’re at the game. They must be so worried. Sorry. 

How it says so much about who Shane is at his core. How much he aims to please others. How he tries so hard to meet the impossible expectations placed on him. How much he doesn’t want to be a burden to others. How the golden boy appearance is to protect those around him and appease the masses. Because that’s all he’s ever known. To be what is expected of him.

• Oh, Ilya finding love, a family, a home with Shane.

How lucky he feels. Because all these things he’s never had, was made to believe he didn’t deserve. Because his own family made their relationship transactional, conditional. Made him believe he was never good enough. Made him doubt his own self worth. 

But Shane always gave so freely. Never asked for anything but mutual trust. Made Ilya feel worthy, deserving. Adopted Ilya into this life he was so privileged to be born into. How Shane’s support system becomes Ilya’s.

How all of this gives Ilya the strength to disconnect from his brother. To realize he doesn’t deserve to be used and belittled. To understand he is worthy of all that he now has.

• What the show does so well is emphasize the dichotomy between Shane and Ilya’s home lives.

Ilya’s conversations with Alexei. The screaming, the cursing, the demands for money, the slurs, the blatant disrespect. His father not even allowing him to speak — to defend himself against the man’s accusation of laziness. How it’s obvious no matter what he does, it will never be good enough for his family. How he dreads going home to Russia. How hockey was always an escape for him from the home he didn’t feel he belonged in.

And all of that cut with Shane’s interactions with his own parents. A father who supports him whole heartedly. A mother so hands on with his career. How they both are so proud of their son and are there every step of the way. Invested and protective. How they gave Shane a home so loving he sees it as a safe space … how he stays close with a cottage near theirs. How hockey wasn’t an escape but a passion that was nurtured.

• Episode five is just Ilya caring so fucking much it hurts. His father was awful to him but he still wishes with everything he’d been there to take care of him. His brother is the ultimate asshole yet he kept sending money and then gives him his apartment. He sets up a trust fund for his niece to make sure she’ll be taken care of. He believes Alexei has a right to hate him. He tells Svetlana he doesn’t deserve her. He admits he gives everything until he feels empty and yet it is never enough. How finally, full of grief and rage, he cuts ties with Alexei despite how much he cares about him. Then after losing his father and leaving his family and home behind, he has to watch Shane get his shit rocked. Stand there in horror as the one person who asks him for nothing is led off the ice on a stretcher. And that’s on top of all the yearning that’s been building up for years; all the feelings he’s been trying and failing to suppress because it’s just another thing he can’t have. I am severely unwell 

• I adore the show for adding more of the dynamic between Svetlana and Ilya. Just to show that he has someone in his corner. Someone who knows him without trying, knows his story without prying open old wounds. Someone who supports him wholeheartedly. Someone he doesn’t have to hide around. Someone he can be playful with but also vulnerable. Someone he can talk to without the weight of expectation. Someone safe. Someone who can guess Jane is a he and not judge him for it. Someone who loves him unconditionally, openly, unapologetically. And for those who read the books, it makes what happens later on even more devastating.
• Something about Shane’s trauma being buried beneath the facade of a perfect life.

Because if you follow hockey you kinda know how these superstars grow up. Especially in Canada. They become phenoms by double digits. They’re no longer kids but prospects. They are sanitized for the media to be as marketable as possible. They often leave home young to play at boarding school or in a junior league. They are constantly moving as their career progresses. They get thrown into the NHL with the expectation of raising a collapsing franchise from the dead. The only thing that matters is hockey. It is always hockey.

That’s why so many of the NHL’s stars have stilted personalities. (And that’s not even with the inclusion of Shane’s autism)

It’s the reason why Shane is so “boring.” He’s always played it safe with his personality because his personality has never mattered. Hockey is what matters. It’s the only thing that has ever mattered.

And I think that’s why he gets attached to Rose. Because maybe for the first time ever there’s someone he can talk to. To be something more than just a talented hockey player. To be a person.

But it also shows in Shane’s panic over his sexuality. Because he never thought much about it. It never mattered. It’s not safe to be gay in this life that’s been curated for him. And Ilya makes him want to break out of that comfort zone, which creates so much internal conflict.

And the consequences are shown in the scene where the one time Shane takes his eyes off the puck to look at Ilya — putting him in front of hockey — he’s punished with an injury.

Just … ugh … Hudson Williams deserves so many flowers for being able to get that internalization across so powerfully. He doesn’t get enough credit

• Ilya asking Shane about his parents being a bridge in their relationship.

Ilya knows they mean so much to Shane but he’s always avoided any talk of them. Because that would inevitably lead to questions about his own family, and he wasn’t ready to discuss that. It would open old wounds; expose too much.

Also asking Shane about his parents meant he cared, and it was too dangerous to admit this thing between them was anything more than physical.

But that idea has been taken out back and put down, so Ilya starts building that bridge with a simple “tell me about them.”

He’s scared as hell, but he’s ready to meet Shane halfway. He tells him about his own mother. About her struggles, about her pain. About the love he had and still has for this woman who actually gave him warmth in such a cold place.

How it’s so different from the man who always used sex to divert and distract from anything remotely personal.

• Shane nudging Ilya’s foot under his parents’ table as a callback to all those years ago when Ilya did the same at the All-Star Game press conference. So much has changed; nothing has changed at all. They always had each other. 
• no thoughts except Ilya slurping up pasta at the Hollanders table. Telling his future in-laws he’s gonna dump his entire life in Boston to be closer to their son. Calling Shane his boyfriend for the first time. Comforting him with a soft caress and gentle kiss. Already setting the groundwork to become the favorite child
• something about Yuna being so caught off guard with Ilya turning his back on Boston to move closer to Shane.

Because she’s looking at it as any outsider would. Why would a Cup-winning captain, beloved by the fans and a generational talent in his prime just up and leave the team that drafted him first overall when his career and the organization is on the upswing? And why would he go to Ottawa of all places — a divisional rival that’s far inferior? It’s essentially Ilya setting his career on fire.

And yes, it works to show just how much Ilya cares about Shane. How he’d give up so much just to be closer to him. That he knows being together™️ is nearly impossible, but he’s willing to do whatever it takes to get whatever they’re able to give each other in their circumstance.

But also it adds more depth to Ilya’s character. How hockey is not the same for him as it is for Shane. How it was an escape for Ilya. To avoid his home life and get out of Russia. And it helped that he was so good at it. That there was the possibility of praise from his father if he could just do something right on the ice.

He enjoys the game but it’s a career not his life. Shane lives for the game, is passionate and neurotic about it. Ilya is there for the paycheck and visa.

And that’s not to take away from the sacrifice Ilya is making. It’s still a massive decision that will absolutely shake up his world. It’s more so about how it sets the table for the Ilya we’ll see in season two and I cannot wait to experience that heartbreak

• I really love the SKip episode. It hits home the stakes of Hollanov’s relationship. Because even when there’s this line of clear communication between these emotionally mature men who seemingly have themselves figured out, the relationship still feels impossible due to the culture of the sport. It adds to the tension of the storyline with Shane and Ilya because it takes away a little of the hope that maybe this can work itself out. Because Scott Hunter is a million years old (source: Ilya Rozanov), and he still can’t make the jump. Which is what makes the kiss in episode five that much more dramatic and impactful. It’s giving back the hope.

• Ilya telling Shane that his mother was funny and beautiful and so sad. That his father was so hard on her. He makes a point to say he doesn’t want Shane to think his mother was weak. She wasn’t.

Because Ilya is his mother’s son.

Opening up about Irina is like peeling back flesh to expose bone. It’s admitting his own fears. He sees so much of his mother in himself, and it terrifies him.

And this moment is Ilya finally giving Shane that honesty he asked for — to tell him about the one person in his family whom he loved and loved him back — but it’s also a warning with a hidden plea.

Ilya is funny and beautiful and so sad. His father was so hard on him. But please don’t think he’s weak. He’s not.

• I’m kind of obsessed with the little Sid/Ovi easter eggs. Ilya always drinking Coke like Ovi. Shane having Sid’s practical vehicle while Ilya has Ovi’s sports car collection. Shane and Sid both having lakeside properties in their hometowns as an escape. Shane winning three Cups like Sid and Ilya only having the one like Ovi. Little nudges for the hockey fans lol 

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