Life of Bry

HELP. My heart is shattered.

This blog post serves as my formal apology to William Herondale and all who love him.

I shared quite a few unpleasant thoughts and feelings about Will in my review of Clockwork Angel; however, the second installment of Cassandra Clare’s Infernal Devices trilogy completely flipped my perspective. 

Clockwork Prince continues with the search for the big bad guy Axel Mortmain (who I consider a Victorian-era Elon Musk), but now there’s a deadline and repercussions for failure. Jagoff Benedict Lightwood challenges Charlotte Branwell for control of the London Institute, and the Consul gives her two weeks to locate Mortmain or viable evidence of his whereabouts or else the Institute will be handed over to the Lightwoods.

As the race to find Mortmain and put an end to his clockwork army surges forward, the young Shadowhunters of the Institute and Tessa are on missions all their own. Jessamine is sneaking out late at night in men’s clothing engaging in clandestine affairs, Will has secured the help of Magnus Bane to summon a very specific demon, and Jem and Tessa are growing closer together in the aftermath of Will pushing her away.

There’s loads of love, tons of heartbreak, a bit of betrayal, mountains of magic, and even a masquerade ball scene. What more can you ask for?

Clockwork Prince ripped my heart straight out of my chest and weakened it for what I’m sure will be a devastating blow in the third and final book.

Get ready for all my thoughts on Clockwork Prince.

Dear Will, I’m sorry.

As I already mentioned, I had some harsh criticism for Will Herondale after reading Clockwork Angel. He was more than rude, he was downright cruel. He forcefully shoved away anyone who dared get too close to him with sarcastic quips and mean-spirited jabs. He was an atrocious person, and I couldn’t stand him. 

Now is the time where I ball up all those previous unwanted opinions and promptly toss them in the trash where they belong.

Clare absolutely shatters what we thought of Will within pages of Clockwork Prince. He can see and communicate with ghosts, which is brought up in the prologue and never again. He’s gathering “supplies” from a ghost for Magnus Bane to help summon a demon, but he also asks for a potion to make someone fall out of love … for himself. Gasp!

Magnus guessed it and I did too. Our emo boy caught the feels for Tessa. 

But there’s something holding Will back from expressing his true self. A curse. When he was 12 years old, Will released a demon from a Pyxis. Despite knowing little to nothing about the Shadow World, his older sister Ella managed to keep the demon at bay, but not before it could curse Will. 

“All who love you will die. Their love will be their destruction. It may take moments, it may take years, but any who look upon you with love will die of it, unless you remove yourself from them forever.”

Marbas, Page 150

That night, Ella died and Will ran away from home to protect the remainder of his family. 

I’m a big proponent of not taking your misfortune out on others. Your bad hand at life shouldn’t be used to torment those around you. That’s why I loved Jem right from the start. Jem has every right to hate the world and lash out against anyone in it, but he doesn’t. Instead, Jem is as pure and kind as they come.

I will give William a pass on this belief of mine. He built up his hostile exterior to protect anybody who dared come close to loving him because he feared they’d die an agonizing death that would fall on his conscience.

Looking back, it was clear how Will often struggled to uphold his own facade, especially with Tessa.

At the beginning of Clockwork Prince, Will stands up to defend Charlotte against Benedict’s outrageous claims that a woman is unfit to run the Institute. While Will may not speak of his gratitude toward Charlotte, he’s always one of the first to raise his voice in her defense. His actions speak louder than his words.

Then, Will tells Tessa that he read The Wide, Wide World because he thought it was her favorite book. He tells her how much he hated it, and, in turn, Tessa says that it’s not her favorite at all and she’s done giving out book recommendations. 

“‘Tessa, I thought …?’

‘You thought what?’

‘That we could at least talk about books.’”

Tessa & Will, Page 76

Will even leaves a copy of Vathek by William Beckford outside of Tessa’s door with a cheesy poem written on the inside cover. Maybe he really just wants to start a book club. 

When Tessa has nightmares from Aloysious Starkweather’s spoils room, it’s Will who wakes her up with calm reassurances.

“I would never let anyone touch a hair on your head. You know that, don’t you, Tess?”

Will to Tessa, Page 122

Will also comforts Sophie in his own way when the servant knocks out Jessamine with a hairbrush after finding the ball invitation from Nate. Plus, he’s constantly saying “my Tessa”. That’s not very subtle.

Not to mention the masquerade ball scene where both Tessa and Will drink spiked lemonade and make out on a balcony. The drugged beverage makes Will dish his heart out.

“I have wanted to do this every moment of every hour of every day that I have been with you since the day I met you. But you must know that. You must know. Don’t you?”

Will to Tessa, Page 296

All of these slip ups are promptly stomped out by Will regaining his footing in cruelty, but not before those around him can catch a glimpse of the sad broken boy behind the mask.

I learned to adore Will for his persistence to protect those he loved but felt he could never receive love in return from. While I once thought he was heartless, it turns out that he’s the exact opposite. He’s a kind, gentle boy who was forced to become a man he hated out of fear. 

Here’s the thing though, Will was never actually cursed. When Magnus summons Marbas, the demon admits that he was too weak to actually issue such an immense curse. Will got beanboozled. After his initial reaction of horror at the fact that he wasted the last five years being an asshole to everyone for no true reason, he gets overwhelmingly giddy to finally tell Tessa that he loves her. 

The sequence of events following his discovery of not being cursed (up until a very specific moment that I will touch on in part 2) and the reactions of those around him to his new demeanor were pure gold. 

First he tells Charlotte and Henry how much he appreciates them when he discovers Charlotte plans to turn over the Institute to Benedict.

“Over all these years you’ve done everything for me as if I were your blood, and I’ve never told you I was grateful … But I am grateful, and because of it I shall not let you make this mistake.”

Will, Page 428

And Charlotte’s response to his unusual kindness is asking Henry, “Was that Will?”

Then, he goes absolutely wild when Sophie tells them that Benedict has demon pox — an STD one gets from getting frisky with demons that everyone told Will didn’t exist. Will had a whole song prepared for the moment he was proven to be right all along.

He even jokes with Tessa about wanting credit for his plan to blackmail Benedict.

“‘Will. Do you care more about the plan being enacted or about getting credit for it?’

‘That. The second one.’”

Tessa & Will, Page 448

Everyone takes Will’s happiness to mean something is wrong with him or at least notice that it’s quite unusual. That is until Tessa deflates his bubble of pure joy with three itty bitty words, “It’s too late.”

I’ll get to Will’s declaration of love and Tessa’s response to it in my second post. It literally made me weep. I don’t think a book has ever put in as much emotional distress as that moment so stick around

For now, kudos to Cassie for making me do a 180 on a character I was determined to hate upon meeting. I’m officially a Will Herondale stan. 

Side note! I think it has to be pointed out how Will is an obvious mirror of Jace from TMI. These are two sarcastic, sad, and broken Herondale boys who were afraid to love and be loved. However their reasons to fear love are very different. 

Jace was ripped from his dead mother’s womb and raised by his abusive adoptive father to believe that love was a weakness. He never knew love until he went to live with the Lightwoods. Even then, he feared giving too much of himself over to them, because he still thought that love made you weak. He believed that if he showed weakness, the Lightwoods would send him away for not being the perfect soldier his father had trained him to become. 

Meanwhile, Will was raised outside of the dangers of the Shadow Word by a family who showed him unconditional love. He had two caring sisters and devoted parents. Marbas’ trick stripped Will of the love he’d known his whole life. Which begs the question, which is more cruel, to never have known true love and to fear the consequences of its power, or to have known love your whole life and be forced to abandon it to protect those you care about most?

My Jem?

As much as I am starting to love Will, I have adored Jem from the very start and my feelings only grew stronger for him in Clockwork Prince.

Jem is the sweetest soul. That’s a fact, and there’s no way to argue it. In CP, Jem really grew as a character and came out of his shy shell. He became bolder, snarkier and more passionate, and we even saw him filled with anger. His personality and confidence just went through the roof.

He takes a few jabs at Jessamine and her distaste for Shadowhunters and their duty. When she complains about being given smaller tasks to aid in the search for Mortmain, Jem delivers a hard truth on why.

“Because you don’t want the serious ones.”

Jem to Jessamine, Page 46

Then when Tessa mentions how Jessie would be mortified by her mud-covered hands after fighting off the automaton at Ravenclaw Manor, Jem takes the opportunity to get another truthful dig in at Jessamine.

“If Jessamine does not know by now that there is honor in blood and dirt, she never will.”

Jem to Tessa, Page 141

Jem gently cleaning Tessa’s hands on the train in this scene was extremely wholesome and just melted my heart. It’s such a small, simple gesture, but it’s very intuitive of who Jem is as a person. He knows that Tessa often thinks of herself as something other and not entirely human, and, by cleaning off her hands, he reminds her that underneath the blood and dirt is still flesh and bone. She’s still human in all the ways that matter.

Another testament to Jem’s sweet soul that doesn’t deserve to go unnoticed is how Tessa describes his smile.

“Jem put the full force of himself into each smile, so that he seemed to be smiling with his eyes, his heart, his whole being.”

Tessa, Page 46

Now back to the nitty gritty.

Jem has the patience of a saint, especially with Will. It always felt like Jem knew that Will’s harshness and cruelty needed to be met with peace, understanding and rationality. The perfect example of this is when Will sees his younger sister Cecily enter Ravenclaw Manor, and his first instinct is to run to her. Jem is forced to chase after his parabatai and tackle him. 

“‘Get off me. You don’t understand. Your family’s dead —‘

‘Will. I do understand. And unless you want your family dead too, you’ll listen to me.’”

Will & Jem, Page 133

A part of me thinks that I would have let go of Will and let him face the consequences of his irrationality and cruelty. Lucky for Will, Jem is a much better person than I. 

However, Jem’s patience does have a limit, and we see him fall off the edge of it when he and Tessa discover Will at the infrit den. Seeing Will using the thing that is killing him for sport completely unravels Jem to the point where he actually hits Will across the face. This part of the book made me punch the air in celebration. I may be starting to love Will, but I still believe he needs to have some sense slapped into him. It was amazing to see Jem lose his cool and not let Will walk all over him. Will often takes advantage of Jem’s patience, so hopefully this will stick with him. 

Jem even confesses his frustrations with Will before his steamy makeout sesh with Tessa. 

“I tell myself he’s better than he makes himself out to be, but, Tessa, what if he isn’t? I have always thought, if I had nothing else, I had Will. If I have done nothing else that made my life matter, I have always stood by him. But perhaps I shouldn’t.”

Jem, Page 207

This idea Jem presents of only having Will is something that our angsty Herondale has also expressed. Will tells Magnus that, despite his curse, he had let himself love and be loved by Jem because of his condition.

“Jem is dying anyway. Jem is what I have allowed myself. I tell myself, if he dies, it is not my fault. He is dying anyway, and in pain … Nobody can live with nothing. Jem is all I have.”

Will, Page 153

These two quotes tell readers a lot about the relationship between Will and Jem. These two boys have been broken and beaten by life. They seemingly have lost everything, but in that abyss of nothingness, they have found each other and it has made all the difference. Just as Jace needed Alec to show him love, patience and warmth, and Alec needed Jace for confidence, strength and support; the same could be said for Will and Jem. They are exactly what the other needed at the time they needed it most.

In my review of Clockwork Angel, I said that I wanted to know more about how and why this pair decided to become parabatai. Well, Cassie gave us a little peek into just that. Will asked Jem to be his parabatai, but Jem refused because he was dying. However, in true Will fashion, he challenged Jem to a sword fight, where if the Welsh boy won the two would take the oath. Obviously, Will won and the rest is history. 

This antidote made me wonder if Jem was simply testing Will to see if he actually wanted to become parabatai because they would make a great team or if it was out of pity because he was sick. Little did Jem know that Will chose him to be his parabatai because there was no one else that he could willingly allow himself to love completely. In return, Jem looked at Will and saw that he was weighed down by a hefty burden and believed he could help carry the weight. 

“I thought you needed me. There is a wall you have built about yourself, Will, and I have never asked you why. But no one should shoulder every burden alone. I thought you would let me inside if I became your parabatai, and then you would have at least someone to lean upon. I did wonder what my death would mean for you. I used to fear it, for your sake. I feared you would be left alone inside that wall. But now … something has changed … That wall is coming down.”

Jem, Page 255

The entire scene where Will apologizes to Jem for his night in the infrit den was simply perfection. Will genuinely didn’t realize how his drug shenanigans would affect Jem. He only wanted to escape the torment of loving Tessa so fiercely and not being able to tell her, along with seeing his sister for the first time in five years and not being allowed to go after her. Honestly, Will gives the best, most genuine apology I have ever heard. 

“I would die for you. You know that. I would die without you. If it were not for you, I would be dead a hundred times over these past five years. I owe you everything, and if you cannot believe I have empathy, perhaps you might at least believe I know honor — honor, and debt.”

Will to Jem, Page 254

You could feel that he meant every word and that he was destroyed by the thought of hurting his brother. I think that books so rarely give readers such affectionate relationships between men, and it was wonderfully refreshing. The love and admiration these two have for each other is unmatched. Top tier friends and, dare I say,  the best parabatai duo?

However, I want to point out that while Will had given his heart and soul over to Jem, he didn’t necessarily pay attention to whether or not his parabatai was content in life. He only cared that the one person he allowed himself to love and be loved by was alive. A prime example is how Will somehow was the last one to realize how Jem felt about Tessa despite James dropping not-so-subtle hints. Come on, Will, you didn’t notice Jem touring Tessa around London or the fact he straight up called Tess distractingly pretty after the de Quincey debacle? Also, we can’t ignore the whole “pose as my fiancé” plan where Jem just so happened to have his family ring on him to give Tessa.

Nope, Will didn’t notice anything because he was too busy pining over his curse and his own feelings toward Tessa. 

“He realized now that he had been quite wrong; Jem had simply not been happy like this before. Not since his parents had died, Will imagined. But Will had never considered it. He had dwelled on whether Jem was safe, whether he was surviving, but not if he was happy.”

Will, Page 483

As much as it hurt, I loved that Will set aside his feelings to allow Jem this slice of happiness. Jem told Tessa he felt stronger and healthier, so maybe Will saw the same. No matter how deep his own feelings are for Tessa, Will could never rob James of something that could improve his condition and keep his heart beating.

For the third time, I will get deeper into this beautiful love triangle later in Part 2. Just know that Jem deserves the world.

Side note! I don’t doubt that Will deeply cares for his parabatai; however, I feel like Will is a bit overly possessive. After spending five years believing that Jem is all he has in the world, it seems like Will thinks that Jem belongs to him in a way. Jem is his parabatai, his brother, his greatest sin, his Jem. Maybe Will didn’t notice the way Tessa grew close to Jem because he still believed that Jem belonged solely to him and there was no way anybody else could form a similar strong connection to his parabatai. 

End of Part 1

This is getting pretty long, so I’m going to stop here and pick back up in Part 2. I’ll discuss Magnus Bane’s fondness of Will, the betrayal of Jessamine and Gideon, and why the love triangle between Will, Tessa and Jem is the only time I will accept this ridiculous trope. Catch ya on the flip side.